What Sean Spicer Sounds Like During the Walk from His Office to the Briefing Room


Spicer: Okay, here goes…I’m talking about the ban, right? Defending it in the wake of all the protests…okay, so [reading from his notes] Trump’s immigration ban is not racist…no, no, that can’t be right. It’s obviously racist. I should just say it’s going to make America great again. Or was that the Wall–wait, or am I supposed to be talking about fixing the inner cities…? What is it, Tuesday? What’s on the schedule? [turning to his assistant] Jesus, Trish, which minority group are we targeting today?

Trish: All three. And here’s today’s updated list of alternative facts. Figure out the rest yourself, I’m going on my lunch break.

Spicer: But your break isn’t scheduled for another two hours.

Trish: You’ve taken away my health care, my reproductive rights, and my faith in government. I think it’s fair if I take a long lunch.

Spicer: [shaking his head] Hate to see her go, love to watch her leave.


To respond to this satire, or to submit an op-Ed, contact bardwatchmanaging@gmail.com


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