American Sex Workers Jealous of Russian Counterparts Who Got to Pee On Trump

JOHANNA M. COSTIGAN, CO-EDITOR IN CHIEF | ILLUSTRATION BY OLIVIA KRAVETZ, GRAPHIC DESIGNER | FEBRUARY 1, 2017

Several members of the American Escorts Community have spoken out in indignation about what they viewed as a missed opportunity–to pee, and/or defecate, on or around their turd president, Donald J. Trump.

“I just don’t get it,” Veronica Starr, a New York-based prostitute said in reaction to the news of Trump’s decision to receive a golden shower in Moscow instead of his own hometown. “Are New Yorkers not good enough peers for him? Does he not like the taste? New York City has the best tap water in the country, so I bet we have the best pee.”

Kelly Tate, an escort from DC, felt inspired and outraged by Trump’s Russian preferences. “I usually don’t even have sex with my clients–we just go to dinner, they rub my thigh or foot or whatever they’re into. But I absolutely would have been willing to get dirty with Trump. And by ‘get dirty’ I mean pee on his plastic face. I can see it taking something as dramatic as he is just to shut him up.”

The next protest in DC–the Women’s Pee on Washington–is scheduled for next month. The goal is for thousands of women, from all over the country, to get their pee as close to Donald as possible.

“My cousin is a White House aide, so I’m gonna get him to slip some of mine into Trump’s coffee,” Starr said with a smile. She giggled. “I hope he chokes on it and dies!”

 

To respond to this satire, or to submit an op-Ed, contact bardwatchmanaging@gmail.com

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